Don't Let the Triangle Text
by pitchpearlgirl
Summary: A bunch of random excerpts from our favorite character's text history. An array of pairings, character ages, really, everything changes from one to another. For some reason though, a lot of Billdip. Rated teen, just in case. Taking requests.
1. No

**EDITED 3/30: I'M BACK, BITCHES! I'm going through and editing all of these for grammar then coming back with new ones, but not for a good while. I'm not changing any ****inconsistencies revealed in the show, like Grunkle Stan actually being Stanley and having a twin brother. Those will stay the same. I'm only editing for grammar and consistent texting style, and making it better. Enjoy!**

* * *

I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna be that person.

Send in requests if you want. That'll probably be the only way I get any ideas for this.

Also, in case you couldn't tell:

**Dipper**

_Mabel_

* * *

Received- 4:03 pm

**Mabel, where are you?**

Received- 4:06 pm

_at the mall w/ grenda and candy. sup bro-bro _

Received- 4:07 pm

**Did you, perchance, give Bill a phone before we left for the school year?**

Received- 4:08 pm

_yeah…? _

Received- 4:08 pm

_why _

Received- 4:10 pm

**He has been calling me all. Day. long. I almost got my phone confiscated class cause he somehow managed to get it to ring on silent. **

Receied- 4:10 pm

**Why did you give the demon a phone?**

Received- 4:12 pm

**Mabel?**

Received- 4:15 pm

**MABEL**

Received- 4:16 pm

_he just seemed so lonely when he found out we were leaving! i gave him 1 so he could talk 2 u. he likes u a lot u know _

Received- 4:17 pm

**Great. Now he's figured out how to text. **

Received- 4:17 pm

**Jesus, he can type about a thousand WPM**

Received- 4:19 pm

**I'm gonna murder you when you get home, you know. **

Received- 4:20 pm

_love u 2 dippin sauce! Have fun walking w/ ur boyfriend! 333 _

Received- 4:20 pm

**HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND**

* * *

Bonus: Same night

Received- 6:45 pm

**Apparently he's my boyfriend. **


	2. Bill No

**EDITED 3/30**

C'mon guys, running on fumes here

And yes I got inspiration from family guy for this. I know it's stupid. Bear with me.

**Dipper**

Bill

* * *

Received- 2:24 am

Pinetree 

Received- 2:25 am

Hey Pinetree

Received- 2:26 am

Dipper 

Received- 2:27 am

Hey Dip

Received- 2:28 am

Dippin sauce

Received- 2:29 am

Hey 

Received- 2:30 am

Pinetree 

Received- 2:31 am

Lil dipper

Received- 2:32 am

Dips 

Received- 2:33 am

Dippeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr 

Received- 2:34 am

**WHAT**

Received- 2:34 am

**IT IS TWO IN THE MORNING BILL**

Received- 2:34 am

**WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT**

Received- 2:35 am

Hi 


	3. Don't Touch My Babies

**EDITED 3/30**

So I was asked for some Pacifica - Bill interaction/reaction. Here, have some overprotective!Bill

Bill

_**Pacifica**_

* * *

Received- 2:58 pm

So I heard you were bothering Shooting Star

Received- 3:00 pm

_**Excuse me, who is this?**_

Received- 3:01 pm

_**And who is shooting star?**_

Received- 3:01 pm

_**How did you get this number?**_

Received- 3:02 pm

Never mind all that. I'm talking about you bothering one Miss Mabel Pines

Received- 3:02 pm

_**Well what about it?**_

Received- 3:03 pm

Congratulations here's a cookie and your bedtime is never

Received- 3:03 pm

But I must let you know

Received- 3:04 pm

If you ever actually significantly hurt her or her brother, you will regret it

Received- 3:05 pm

_**How dare you talk to me like that! Do you even know who I am?**_

Received- 3:05 pm

Do you know who _I _am?

Received- 3:06 pm

Look kid, I don't care who you are. I don't care who your dad, mom, great uncle is. Bother them all you want, but if you ever hurt my twins your dreams will never be safe again

Received- 3:07 pm

You will never have a moment of peace. You will never have a moment of rest. Because your every waking moment will be haunted by the knowledge that when you go to sleep, I will be there. I will be waiting

Received- 3:07 pm

I am the All-Seeing, the All-Knowing, the Master of the Mindscape. I have more power than your tiny brain can comprehend, and I will not hesitate to use it. I am the most horrible demon you will ever have the displeasure of knowing

Received- 3:07 pm

Touch what's mine and you will regret it

Received- 3:09 pm

_**Who are you?!**_

Received- 3:09 pm

I'm your worst nightmare

Received- 3:10 pm

Good day


	4. Thanks Mr Heart Attack

**EDITED 3/30**

Ehehe sorry, I just love the idea of Bill scaring the crap outta Dipper at every possible turn

Featuring college!Dipper

**Dips**

Bill

* * *

Received- 8:36 am

Hey Pinetree

Received- 8:40 am

**What do you want, Bill**

Received- 8:41 am

I'm pregnant

Received- 8:45 am

**...You do know you're a guy, right?**

Received- 8:45 am

**And not even human?**

Received- 8:46 am

Who said I'm male

Received- 8:49 am

**But I've seen your… bits**

Received- 8:50 am

**From what I remember from anatomy class, you're definitely male**

Received- 8:51 am

I'm also actually a triangle, in case you forgot

Received- 8:53 am

**Yes, you like to remind me of that at the most inopportune moments**

Received- 8:53 am

And I can change my appearance at will

Received- 8:55 am

**...And?**

Received- 8:55 am

And my internal biology

Received- 9:01 am

**BILL ARE YOU SERIOUSLY PREGNANT**

Received- 9:01 am

**I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF A LECTURE WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS NOW**

Received- 9:01 am

**IN FACT**

Received- 9:02 am

**WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THIS WHEN WE FIRST GOT TOGETHER**

Received- 9:02 am

**THIS IS KIND OF IMPORTANT INFORMATION**

Received- 9:05 am

**BILL**

Received- 9:07 am

**BILL ANSWER ME**

Received- 9:10 am

**THE LECTURES OVER IM CALLING YOU**

Received- 9:11 am

**BILL CIPHER ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE**

Received- 9:12 am

yo dips its mabel. bill told me 2 text u this cause he cant text hes laughing 2 hard. he said ur so much fun 2 mess with? and that he needs 2 fabricate more stories like that more often. loves u 3

Received- 9:15 am

**OH MY FUCKING GOD**


	5. Heart to Heart

**EDITED 3/30**

Aw, look! Fluff!

I headcanon that Bill knew Stan when he was younger. Also, mention of the possible Stan twin theory

Stan

Bill

* * *

Received- 10:14 pm

Don't you dare hurt my kids

Received- 10:15 pm

How did you get my number, Stanford?

Received- 10:16 pm

Stole it off Dipper's phone, but that's not the point

Received- 10:17 pm

You hurt them, I know all the right exorcising methods to make sure you can't even look at this dimension for the next few centuries

Received- 10:18 pm

You're… okay with me hanging around them?

Received- 10:19 pm

Even after all that happened with you and your brother?

Received- 10:20 pm

Stanley and I, well, we were stupid. We were jerky kids, and I sorta understand why you did the things you did to him

Received- 10:20 pm

I don't forgive you, but I understand

Received- 10:21 pm

Dipper and Mabel are different. They're better than we were, and they're smarter. They can take care of themselves

Received- 10:22 pm

And I see the way you look at Dipper when you think no one can see you. You've got a soft spot for him, and honestly, he does too. You wouldn't dare hurt him. And even if you did, Mabel's mean with that grappling hook

Received- 10:24 pm

I 

Received- 10:24 pm

I don't know what to say

Received- 10:25 pm

Promise you'll protect them at all costs. I do what I can, but I'm an old man. There's so much out there that's dangerous, that they can't help but get into, and there's only so much I can do

Received- 10:27 pm

Bill?

Received- 10:28 pm

Hold tight, cause I'm coming to hug ya!

Received- 10:28 pm

BILL NO


	6. Pick Up Lines

**EDITED 3/31**

Oh wow, I didn't expect this to get so popular

**Dipper**

Bill

* * *

Received- 11:35 am

Hey Pinetree, how much does a polar bear weigh?

Received- 11:36 am

**Well the average is around 260-500 kilograms. **

Received- 11:37 am

Enough to break the ice

Received- 11:37 am

Hi I'm Bill

Received- 11:38 am

**…****?**

* * *

Received- 6:44 pm

**Hey Bill have you seen my toothbrush? I think Mabel was using it to brush her doll's hair but frankly I'm scared to ask. **

Received- 6:45 pm

Are you made of copper and tellurium because you are CuTe!

Received- 6:45 pm

**Bill what even**

Received- 6:46 pm

Roses are red, I am yellow, wanna go out with a nice little fellow?

Received- 6:47 pm

**Just tell me where my toothbrush is**

* * *

Received- 1:12 am

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Received- 1:14 am

**No, but you're gonna hurt if you wake me up at this ungodly hour again**

* * *

Received- 3:34 pm

Are you in the army? Cause you make all parts of me stand at attention

Received- 3:34 pm

NO WAIT STANFORD THAT WASNT MEANT FOR YOU

* * *

Received- 5:04 pm

Are you an orphanage?

Received- 5:05 pm

**I swear to god if this is another pick up line**

Received- 5:06 pm

Cause I wanna give you kids!

Received- 5:06 pm

**YOU SAID YOUD NEVER MENTION THAT AGAIN**

* * *

Dipper proceeds to find him and throw out the book of corny pick up lines. Then Mabel finds him and gives him another one cause she's a little shit.


	7. Missing

**EDITED 3/31**

I feel generous. Have another one

Had this idea. Don't hate me.

Of course it's gonna have a sequel

_Mabel_

* * *

Received- 5:23 pm

_yo bro im making dinner what u want _

Received- 5:27 pm

_im thinking mac n cheese but with extra sparkles _

Received- 5:28 pm

_ill make some mabel juice to go with it~~~ _

Received- 5:31 pm

_if u dont answer u get no input and thats what were having _

Received- 5:33 pm

_okay u asked 4 it _

Received- 5:36 pm

_dammit dip whered u put my glitter_

* * *

Received- 6:41 pm

_where r u? dinners done and u never showed up _

Received- 6:43 pm

_grunkle stans getting worried. u been gone all day _

Received- 6:46 pm

_ill ask wendy u might be there _

* * *

Received- 6:51 pm

_she says ur not there _

Received- 6:55 pm

_grunkle stan just go back from asking around town. where r u? _

Received- 6:57 pm

_he says hes going into the forest to look_

* * *

Received- 8:45 pm

_weve got half the town out looking now. stan says i cant help but im going in anyways. i know some of ur favorite hiding spots_

* * *

Received- 10:13 pm

_oh god we found blood near the creek oh god dipper please be okay _

* * *

Received- 12:00 am

_please come home _


	8. Missing 2

**EDITED 3/31**

Ehehe, I like torturing you guys. Here, have the conclusion.

Stan

'Pines parent'

_Mabel_

Bill

* * *

Deleted- 8:46 am

I'm sorry

Deleted- 8:53 am

It's been three days, your son is gone

Deleted- 8:55 am

You trusted me with them, and now one of them's gone. I'm a failure

Deleted- 9:00 am

I'm sending Mabel back

Received- 9:02 am

'So, how's the summer going so far, Stanford?'

Received- 9:04 am

Great, how about yours?

* * *

Received- 11:07 am

_any luck? _

Received- 11:10 am

_never mind, i need to stop asking. its not helping any, were never gonna find him _

Received- 11:11 am

Found him

* * *

Call- 11:11~11:18 am

"_Where are you?!" _

"You remember that old warehouse where Gideon attacked you Pinetree a while back? Yeah. He somehow escaped jail and is back to his old tricks."

"_We're on our way." _

"Bring reinforcements. I can't get in. The little brat got another magic toy, and set up some sort of weirdness forcefield that's keeping me out. I don't think he actually knows I'm here yet, though."

"_He'll regret messing with my brother. When I get my hands around his fat little fucking neck-" _

"Language, Shooting Star. Calm down. Focus on getting here in one piece first, then we can both get revenge. Trust me, as soon as I can get in, Gideon doesn't stand a chance."

"_We'll be there in a few, if Grunkle Stan's driving doesn't kill us first." _

"Bring medical supplies too. Pinetree's hurt bad."


	9. Disney

**EDITED 3/31**

Bill would be the hugest Disnerd

_Mabel_

**Dipper**

Bill

* * *

Received- 9:56 pm

_incoming bill just watched tangled for the first time _

Received- 9:57 pm

**What?**

* * *

Received- 9:57 pm

AND AT LAST I SEEEE THE LIIIIIIIIIIGHT

Received- 9:57 pm

AND ITS LIIIIIKE THE FOOOOOOOOG HAS LIFTEEEEEED

Received- 9:58 pm

**Bill what are you doing**

Received- 9:58 pm

AND AT LAST I SEEEEEE THE LIIIIIIIGHT

Received- 9:58 pm

**Bill stop**

Received- 9:59 pm

AND ITS LIIIIKE THE SKYYYYYYYY IS NEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW

Received- 9:59 pm

**Go to sleep**

Received- 10:00 pm

NO 

Received- 10:00 pm

I CANT

Received- 10:01 pm

**Why not**

Received- 10:03 pm

SHOOTING STAR MAY HAVE, POSSIBLY, MAYBE NOT, DEFINITELY GIVEN ME POPCORN COATED IN CHOCOLATE AND SYRUP AND SPRINKLES

Received- 10:03 pm

I THINK IT ALSO HAD GLITTER IN IT BUT IM SCARED TO ASK

* * *

Received- 10:04 pm

**MABEL WHY**


	10. Fire Alarm

**EDITED 3/31: Also changed from hotel to college dorm, so it makes more sense**

Come on guys, I need requests. I pulled this out of the deep recesses of my ass. Give me ideas.

Everyones in a hotel for some reason

Bill

**Dipper**

* * *

Received- 10:34 am

**Dude, where are you?**

Received- 10:36 am

**Do you know why the dorm building fire alarm went off?**

Received- 10:37 am

**…**

Received- 10:38 am

**Did you do it?**

Received- 10:40 am

Don't look at me

Received- 10:41 am

**What? Why**

Received- 10:42 am

I was still asleep when it went off

Received- 10:42 am

**And?**

Received- 10:44 am

You know I sleep in my underwear

Received- 10:45 am

I see you laughing over there

Received- 10:46 am

Stop laughing

Received- 10:47 am

I'm cold

Received- 10:49 am

Please just come get me

Received- 10:50 am

NO DONT TAKE A PICTURE

Received- 10:50 am

DIPPEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR 

Received- 10:51 am

**Hold on I'm coming**

Received- 10:51 am

**I hope this'll teach you to stop sleeping in so late**


	11. That Fricken Song

**EDITED 4/3**

Bill continues to blast Disney music 24/7

Featuring college!everyone

_Mabel_

**Dipper**

Bill

* * *

Received- 11:59 pm

**Turn off that goddamn Disney music Mabel I have a test tomorrow**

Received- 12:01 am

_that aint me dip_

Received- 12:01 am

_its coming from bills dorm_

Received- 12:02 am

**But isn't he on your other side? I can hear it really clearly**

Received- 12:03 am

_yeah imagine the headache i have_

Received- 12:05 am

**I think he knows we're talking about him. He just changed it to 'Let it Go'**

Received- 12:05 am

_NO FUCKIN DUH_

* * *

Received- 12:07 am

**Don't you have a test tomorrow too**

Received- 12:08 am

LET IT GOOOOOOO

LET IT GOOOOOOO

CANT HOLD ME BACK ANYMOOOOOOOOORE

Received- 12:09 am

**I'll give you a dollar if you stop**

Received- 12:10 am

You don't even have a spare dollar

Received- 12:10 am

LET IT GOOOOOOO

LET IT GOOOOOOO

TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOOOOOOOOR

Received- 12:11 am

**STOP SINGING THAT GODDAMN SONG AND TURN OFF THE MUSIC**

Received- 12:13 am

**THANK YOU**

* * *

Received- 12:34 am

I've got no strings

To hold me down

Received- 12:34 am

**GO TO SLEEP**

Received- 12:35 am

TO MAKE ME SAD

OR PULL ME DOWN

Received- 12:35 am

**THATS NOT EVEN HOW THE SONG GOES**


	12. Anniversary

Received- 2:28 pm

**You still have that reservation for six, right?**

Received- 2:29 pm

Yes. Dinner, then the movie starts at eight

Received- 2:29 pm

Bring skittles. Movie theater ones are overpriced

Received- 2:30 pm

**You know that's illegal**

Received- 2:31 pm

I don't care, and neither do you

Received- 2:34 pm

Shooting Star this is an emergency our date is tonight and I still don't know what to get Pinetree help

Received- 2:35 pm

_idk, whats the special occasion_

Received- 2:35 pm

I'm surprised you don't remember. It's the anniversary of when we got together!

Received- 2:37 pm

Shooting Star?

Received- 2:38 pm

_OHMYGO D YOU DIDNT TELL ME_

Received- 2:38 pm

_WAIT RIGHT THERE ILL BE OVER IN A MINUTE_

Received- 2:38 pm

WAIT MABEL THERES NO NEED

Received- 6:10 pm

**Is traffic holding you up?**

Received- 6:13 pm

**Bill?**

Received- 6:16 pm

**Bill, honey, you're late**

Received- 6:21 pm

**Are you even coming?**

Received- 6:25 pm

**Do you know where Bill is? He usually calls if he's gonna be late**

Received- 6:27 pm

**Mabel?**

Received- 6:30 pm

**Maybe I should just leave…**

Received- 6:30 pm

_NO WAIT WERE ALMOST THERE_

Received- 6:31 pm

**Okay…?**

\- The next day -

Received- 11:09 am

**So Dip, how'd ur date go?**

Received- 11:10 am

**Well, it was interesting, that's for sure**

Received- 11:11 am

**He was half an hour late, but only because Mable dragged him off last minute for a makeover and took him to the mall to get an anniversary present**

Received- 11:13 am

**And I have to say, when he came into the restaurant, I wasn't the only one captivated. Mabel did a good job**

Received- 11:14 am

**We, uh, missed the movie. We were… otherwise occupied**

Received- 11:15 am

**Hell yeah Dip get some**

Received- 11:15 am

**WENDY**


	13. Stalker

**EDITED 4/3: also changed the title to just 'Stalker'**

Been dry on ideas recently sorry

Also sorry for the crappy title it's the best I could come up with

Bill

**Wendy**

* * *

Received- 4:41 pm

_**Yo bill I need a favor**_

Received- 4:42 pm

Red? How'd you get my number?

Received- 4:42 pm

**Asked dippin sauce**

Received- 4:43 pm

I need to have a talk with him about giving my number out to random people

Received- 4:43 pm

Whatcha need?

Received- 4:45 pm

**So u know how robbies been bothering me ever since we split**

Received- 4:45 pm

**I need u to do something to get him to stop**

Received- 4:46 pm

**Like**

Received- 4:46 pm

**Don't hurt him but, I dunno. Scare him off or something**

Received- 4:47 pm

Done and done. Gimme a few minutes

* * *

Received- 5:00 pm

**Holy hell bill what did u do**

Received- 5:00 pm

**He was outside my window like usual when he got a call then ran off into the woods screaming**

Received- 5:02 pm

**?**

Received- 5:03 pm

A demon never shares his secrets

Received- 5:04 pm

You're welcome

* * *

No every time Robbie sees her he runs off screaming


	14. Drunk Cipher

**EDITED 4/3**

Sorry this took so fucking long, schools being stupid and hard and I've been dry of ideas.

Help me out here guys.

Bill

**Dipper**

* * *

Received- 11:56 pm

I looooev y ou

Received- 11:57 pm

Pnietre ilcv

Received- 11:57 pm

Yo

Received- 11:58 pm

yuooo

Received- 11:58pm

Llovv

Received- 11:58 pm

**Bill what the hell**

Received- 12:00 am

iiiilv

Received- 12:01 am

**Where are you**

Received- 12:03 am

sTlon e fzz hpppy

Received- 12:03 am

**I don't understand a word you're saying**

Received- 12:04 am

**Hold on I'm calling you**

* * *

Call- 12:04~12:10 am

**"****Are you okay? I can't understand a word you're typing."**

"I loooooooove you. I loooooovvvvvveee yoooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu…"

**"****...Are you… drunk?"**

"NooooOOOOooo I'm a demon dreamer, dream demonana, thingy 'nd all powerous. Powerful. 'm not affected by yer mortal pitiful emotionsss…"

**"****Drunkenness isn't an emotion."**

"What- _hic _-ever it is, it ain't me. I jus' had a bit of the… uuuuhhhh… that stuff ole Fezzy keeps under his mattress."

**"****Grunkle Stan?"**

"Yeah that guy. Man hidessome weird shit in there. There was a mara-, magan-, magazine thingy with pictures a' pretty ladies innit."

**"****Ew, no. Just… no."**

"Ehehehehehe."

**"****Where are you? I'm coming to pick you up."**

"I flew across the laaand, to the place of milk and cookies~"

**"****Where****.****"**

"Bleeding Heart's not home so I stole his couch an' the contents of his fridge. And couch. And, uuhhhh… I think I broke his mind."

**"****At least none of us like Robbie. I'll be there in a few."**

"Gracias mon cara."

**"****That was three different languages, man."**

* * *

The next morning he discovered what hangovers were. Nobody was happy.


	15. Games

**EDITED 4/3: changed the title (more like actually gave it a title)**

Oh wow sorry about the disappearance guys. I just seriously lost my motivation and then school and then...

Well, you get the idea

I've decided I'm going to update this sporadically, instead of on a fixed schedule. So, warning, but there may be a months-long period with nothing, then get six in one day. Just make sure you look through the chapters in case I post multiple and you're one of those people that skips to the end.

Bill

**Dips**

* * *

Received- 3:34 pm

Hey Pinetree you got a lot of interesting games here don't ya

Received- 3:35 pm

**You're not going through my stuff again are you**

Received- 3:35 pm

**Of course you are who am I kidding**

Received- 3:36 pm

:D

Received- 3:37 pm

**Just**

Received- 3:37 pm

**Just put everything back when you're done and try not to scratch any disks**

Received- 3:38 pm

I'm so glad you trust me!

Received- 3:39 pm

**I don't, I just have no other choice**

* * *

Received- 4:01 pm

Hey where's your laptop

Received- 4:02 pm

**I see you've discovered the PC games**

Received- 4:02 pm

**It's in the bottom drawer of my nightstand**

Received- 4:04 pm

Thanks!

Received- 4:06 pm

**Out of curiosity, which game are you gonna play?**

Received- 4:07 pm

I can't really tell. The cover's all scratched up and dirty. It's green though

Received- 4:08 pm

Oh hey there's a picture of a house on the disk? I think it's a house. It's also green

Received- 4:09 pm

**...check inside the sleeve**

Received- 4:09 pm

**And throw it out the window**

Received- 4:10 pm

What's so bad about a game called… S'burb?

Received- 4:10pm

Oooh is it porn

Received- 4:11 pm

**NO**

Received- 4:11 pm

**No, it's not porn, Bill. Just trust me on this**

Received- 4:11 pm

**You do not want to start that game**

Received- 4:12 pm

Actually I'm feeling this reeking evil around it? Yeah I'm gonna throw it out

Received- 4:13 pm

What was that anyways?

Received- 4:15 pm

**I'll tell you later. It's kind of a painful story**

Received- 4:15 pm

**And not the kind you like**

Received- 4:16 pm

**Mabel and I... we lost a lot that day**

* * *

Hooray for Homestuck crossovers! Bill never goes through Dipper's games again.


	16. Missing Conclusion

I decided I might as well give this a conclusion, since y'all are so desperate to find out what Gideon did. Here you go.

**Dipper**

_Mabel_

Bill

* * *

Received- 11:15 am

_hey dippin sauce. how u doing?_

Received- 11:17 am

**Bored out of my mind. Kinda woozy from the drugs. Sore**

Received- 11:18 am

**Where are you guys? I vaguely remember seeing a crowd of people around my bed, but I was half asleep. Now there's no one**

Received- 11:19 am

_none of us would leave ur side when u first woke, so the nurses had 2 force us out. bill threw a fit, and we've kinda been banned_

Received- 11:20 am

**It's a good thing they let me keep my phone then**

Received- 11:20 am

_yeah_

Received- 11:24 am

**I don't remember much, but how long have I been here?**

Received- 11:27 am

**Mabel?**

Received- 11:30 am

_u were unconscious for a week. gideon did some bad stuff to u_

Received- 11:32 am

_we almost lost you_

Received- 11:34 am

**And... what about Gideon?**

Received- 11:36 am

_u might want to ask bill that. dont think i can describe it_

Received- 11:38 am

**Oh**

* * *

Received- 11:42 am

**Bill we need to talk**

Received- 11:42 am

Oh thank god Pinetree you're okay

Received- 11:42 am

We were so worried you were asleep for so long

Received- 11:43 am

The nurses kicked me out cause apparently I was 'causing a distraction' and 'destroying hospital property'

Received- 11:42 am

But now you're awake and okay and we can all go home and eat stale popcorn and laugh at stupid tv shows

Received- 11:43 am

Right

Received- 11:44 am

**No that's not how injuries work**

Received- 11:45 am

**I'm probably gonna be here for a while as I recover**

Received- 11:45 am

**But that's not what I wanted to talk about**

Received- 11:46 am

**I don't remember the past few weeks, and Mabel won't tell me. She says she can't describe it**

Received- 11:48 am

**Bill please I hate gaps in my memory**

Received- 11:50 am

**What did Gideon do to me tell me**

Received- 11:55 am

**Please**

Received- 11:57 am

We don't know exactly what he did to you, and for that, I'm glad. You were missing for three days, and the results from that short time were horrible. You can probably tell how your left arm hurts a hell of a lot more than it should for just being fractured, but I guess I'm to thank for that. I had to... reattach it.

Gideon got what was coming to him. When I was finally able to get past his magical barriers, I lost it on him. He's no more than a sniveling, drooling mass on the floor of a mental institution now. I have done many terrible things in my thousands of years on this lanes, in this universe, but what I did to that wretch is one of the worst. He won't be bothering anyone else ever.

Received- 11:59 am

Pinetree please respond I need to know that everything's still okay

Received- 12:03 pm

I know that when we got together I swore to never do something like that to anyone ever again and I hated to betray your trust, but you didn't see what he did to you

Received- 12:05 pm

I'm a nightmare demon and what I saw gave me nightmares

Received- 12:07 pm

There was so much blood, and for once I didn't revel in it

Received- 12:10 pm

I'm sorry Dipper I love you please don't hate me

Received- 12:12 pm

**It's okay Bill**

Received- 12:13 pm

**I love you too**

* * *

Dipper gets out a couple weeks later, and no one ever mentions I again. his hand does feel tingly occasionally though.

I was thinking of possibly writing this out as an actual story. Yes/no?


	17. Birthday

So I thought his would be cute. Jesus there are a lot of characters.

This happens in a universe where Bill and Pacifica are friends with the twins and each other, btw

**Dipper**

_Mabel_

Bill

_**Pacifica**_

**Wendy**

Stan

* * *

Group message

Received- 12:56 pm

_mission is a go. operation grunckle bday is underway_

Received- 12:56 pm

_who gets what i forgot_

Received- 12:57 pm

**I got cake**

Received- 12:57 pm

**_I've got the list of presents and the money for them_**

Received- 12:58 pm

**Of course you do**

Received- 12:58 pm

Decorations!

Received- 12:59 pm

**_Remind me again, who let the demon be in charge of decorations_**

Received- 1:00 pm

**The one who let Dipper be in charge of cooking**

Received- 1:01 pm

**Excuse you**

Received- 1:01 pm

_be nice guys_

Received- 1:02 pm

_ill be helping/controlling him_

Received- 1:03 pm

_wendy ur not doing anything as far as i know now ur in charge of distracting him while we set up stuff_

Received- 1:03 pm

**Aw man why I gotta get the boring stuff**

Received- 1:04 pm

Because

Received- 1:04 pm

**That's not a valid reason Bill**

Received- 1:04 pm

_anyways lets go_

* * *

Received- 1:29 pm

**_Okay so I know you said figure it out myself but there are two completely different colors of this and I need help which is his favorite?_**

Received- 1:31 pm

_what are the options_

Received- 1:32 pm

**_It's a choice between salmon and fuchsia_**

Received- 1:34 pm

_for gods sake pacifica_

* * *

Received- 1:50 pm

**Hey man what do I talk with him about**

Received- 1:50 pm

**I dunno how to distract this guy he's so weird**

Received- 1:51 pm

**Just**

Received- 1:52 pm

**Just talk to him about stuff**

Received- 1:53 pm

**Dipper I just asked you what kind of stuff you see I'm clueless here**

Received- 1:53 pm

**What kind of stuff does your weird uncle like to talk about**

Received- 1:55 pm

**Talk about money or something Jesus Wendy I'm busy**

* * *

Group message

Received- 2:19 pm

_status update: bill nearly blew up the streamers. dont know how_

Received- 2:20 pm

Hey I heard that

Received- 2:21 pm

_ur supposed to be at the store getting new ones_

Received- 2:21 pm

:P

Received- 2:22 pm

**Bill no don't use emoticons it's disturbing**

Received- 2:24 pm

_just heard someone in town scream from way over here brb_

* * *

Received- 2:50 pm

**There are 12 eggs in a cake right**

Received- 2:53 pm

_we should have switched roles this is a disaster_

* * *

Group message

Received- 3:10 pm

**Incoming incoming Grunckle has left the building**

Received- 3:11 pm

_oh shit okay well everythings ready on our end_

Received- 3:11 pm

**Cakes done**

Received- 3:12 pm

**Cleanups gonna be a bitch but it's done**

Received- 3:13 pm

**_I got the presents, and had them prewrapped. Should be at the designated spot in a few_**

Received- 3:13 pm

**Better hope everything's ready here he comes**

* * *

Group message

Received- 6:45 pm

All I have to say, kids, is thank you. I wasn't able to earlier, I was feeling emotions. That was honestly the best birthday of my life. Thanks.

* * *

Remind me to never do anything with that many line breaks again


	18. Go Away Gideon

So let's just pretend Dreamscaperers and Gideon Rising didn't happen for this, okay? Let's just pretend Gideon's just some irritating asshole who won't stop bothering Mabel.

Also, part one of the new MIsing story is up! Huzzah! Go check it out! It's gonna be four parts: what happened to Dipper, Mabel and Bull looking for him and finding him, the battle, and the aftermath. That last ones gonna be more of an epilogue though.

_Mabel_

Gideon

Bill

* * *

Received- 3:23 pm

_Hey pretty lady wouldn't you like to win a date with widdle ole me? ^3^_

Received- 3:25 pm

_gideon is that you?_

Received- 3:25 pm

_how did u get my number_

Received- 3:26 pm

_I have my sources darlin uwu_

Received- 3:27 pm

_So whaddaya say?_

Received- 3:28 pm

_man i already told you no years ago_

Received- 3:29 pm

_Oh, but we were young then! Maybe you changed your mind? :)_

Received- 3:29 pm

_leave me alone_

Received- 3:30 pm

_I'll change your mind someday! 3_

* * *

Received- 11:56 am

_Roses are red_

_Violets are blue_

_Sugar is sweet_

_And so are you_

Received- 11:57 am

_this is sweet and all, but i told you, im not interested_

Received- 11:58 am

_But we're perfect for one another!_

Received- 11:59 am

_not really_

Received- 11:59 am

_please, just stop_

Received- 12:01 pm

_One day~~~_

* * *

Received- 4:09 pm

_I can buy you anything you want! I can feed you feasts fit for queens! You can be famous! I can buy you all the sweaters you're heart could possibly imagine!_

Received- 4:09 pm

_Why won't you go out with me?!_

Received- 4:11 pm

_im just not interested, okay! jesus why can't you just leave me alone!_

Received- 4:12 pm

_No, I'm not going to leave you alone! You're going to love me, just as fiercely as I love you! I will make you my queen, whether you want to or not!_

* * *

Received- 4:13 pm

_hey bill u know when wendy asked you to do that thing to robbie for her_

Received- 4:14 pm

That creepy stalker guy? Yeah, I remember

Received- 4:14 pm

Why?

Received- 4:15 pm

_i got a favor to ask_


	19. Obligatory Coffee shop AU

Because what would this whole thing be without one

You know you guys can send in requests that aren't Cipherpines, right? Anything and everything, but I'll only do Pinecest if its a _really_ good prompt

**Dipper**

_Mabel_

* * *

Received- 5:06 pm

**I'm going to that coffee shop around the corner to get something for exam cram tonight. You want something?**

Received- 5:07 pm

_my usual thanks_

Received- 5:07 pm

**With sprinkles or without**

Received- 5:08 pm

_with. and extra caramel too_

Received- 5:09 pm

**I'm scared you're gonna die of sugar overdose someday but okay**

* * *

Received- 5:26 pm

**On my way back. Bus is going slow though**

Received- 5:28 pm

**So they had a new barista today**

Received- 5:28 pm

_ooh are they cute_

Received- 5:30 pm

**He's got this bright blond hair and was wearing this fancy yellow suit under his apron. He was really nice**

Received- 5:30 pm

_yeah but was he cute_

Received- 5:33 pm

**...a little**

Received- 5:33 pm

**We talked some while the order was being made. He's really funny too**

Received- 5:34 pm

_ur just trying to cover up the fact u thought he was cute_

Received- 5:34 pm

_what was his name?_

Received- 5:35 pm

**Bill**

Received- 5:36 pm

**Didn't catch his last name. It was something weird though**

Received- 5:37 pm

_tell me all about it when u get home_

Received- 5:38 pm

**Mabel it was a five minute conversation with a barista what else is there to tell**

* * *

Received- 4:12 pm

**I went by the coffee shop before class today and saw that Bill guy again**

Received- 4:13 pm

**He recognized me and we talked a few minutes**

Received- 4:14 pm

_so thats why u were late for class_

Received- 4:14 pm

**His last name is Cipher by the way**

* * *

Received- 6:00 pm

_dipper where r u? u have my calculus textbook in ur bag_

Received- 6:02 pm

**I may or may not have stayed after at Bill's coffee shop to study?**

Received- 6:03 pm

_well when ur done making out with ur new boyfriend come home and return my book_

Received- 6:03 pm

**MABEL I JUST MET HIM LAST WEEK**

* * *

Received- 5:55 pm

**So I got his number**

Received- 5:56 pm

_i knew it_


	20. Rat Problem

Ey two in one week I'm on a roll

**Dipper**

_Mabel_

Stan

**Wendy**

Bill

* * *

Received- 1:34 pm

**Grunckle Stan, Mabel and I have been finding rat droppings in our dresser**

Received- 1:35 pm

**And hearing scratching noises at night from the roof**

Received- 1:36 pm

Oh no, not rats again. We dealt with them a while back

Received- 1:36 pm

Bastards chewed a hole through my genuine fake treasure chest

Received- 1:37 pm

I'll call the exterminator first thing tomorrow morning

* * *

Received- 11:56 am

_i still hear scratching?_

Received- 11:57 am

_they did put traps everywhere right_

Received- 11:59 am

It's gonna take a few days, but they should be gone soon

Received- 12:00 pm

_i hope so. dont want them eating my sweaters_

* * *

Received- 3:07 pm

**Hey man you did tell your uncle bout the rat problem right**

Received- 3:09 pm

**I thought we took care of that? The exterminator came out last week and set traps and poison up**

Received- 3:10 pm

**Well I found one in the register drawer**

Received- 3:12 pm

**Crap**

Received- 3:12 pm

**Well I'll tell him**

* * *

Received- 4:43 pm

_the exterminators came three times now and the rats are still here_

Received- 4:44 pm

_what do we do?_

Received- 4:45 pm

**I don't know anymore**

Received- 4:46 pm

**I checked the journal but there's nothing about demon rats in there**

Received- 4:46 pm

_demon! u could ask bill if he knows anything!_

Received- 4:47 pm

**Why didn't I think of that**

* * *

Received- 4:48 pm

**So we have this rat problem and I was wondering if you knew how to help**

Received- 4:49 pm

Aw man, it sure took you long enough to figure it out!

Received- 4:50 pm

This was fun!

Received- 4:51 pm

**Wait... You mean it was you?!**

Received- 4:52 pm

Oh, you hadn't figured it out yet?

Received- 4:53 pm

Uh oh

Received- 4:53 pm

**WILLIAM CIPHER I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU**


	21. Pet

Actually this was a lot cuter/more funny in my head

Whatever I'm tired

**Dipper**

Bill

_Mabel_

**Wendy**

* * *

Received- 3:12 pm

What is this furry mass in the living room

Received- 3:13 pm

It's making some sort of humming noise

Received- 3:14 pm

IT MOVED HELP

Received- 3:15 pm

**Chill man it's just a cat**

Received- 3:15 pm

It's too small to be a cat

Received- 3:16 pm

**He's a kitten is why**

Received- 3:16 pm

**Don't mess with him we'll be home soon**

* * *

Received- 5:25 pm

**So I heard Bill freaked over the cat**

Received- 5:26 pm

_yeah it was hilarious! dipper said he got home to bill hiding in the kitchen and hissing with the kitten meowing at him from the other room_

Received- 5:26 pm

_youd think he never saw one before_

Received- 5:27 pm

**Why'd you get a cat anyways? I though Stan hated them**

Received- 5:28 pm

_hes a rescue kitty and even grunckle stan melted when he saw his big sad brown eyes_

Received- 5:28 pm

_poor baby was skeletal when we picked him up_

Received- 5:29 pm

**Man I've always wanted a cat. They're so cool**

Received- 5:30 pm

**Oh brb Tambry's calling me**

* * *

Received- 11:54 am

It's scratching at the couch again

Received- 11:55 am

I have endeavored to help it

Received- 11:56 am

**Bill what did we tell you about destroying the furniture**

* * *

Received- 12:45 pm

_do u know where the kitty treats are_

Received- 12:47 pm

Um

Received- 12:48 pm

_did u eat them again_

Received- 12:50 pm

UM

* * *

Received- 6:23 pm

_dipper we have to do something about bill_

Received- 6:24 pm

_hes becoming one with the cat_


	22. eBay

Stay in school kids, no matter how hard it is

Just

Just trust me

**Dipdop**

_Mabel_

Stan

**Wendy**

* * *

Received- 2:02 pm

_did u order something online_

Received- 2:04 pm

**No**

Received- 2:05 pm

_theres this package at the door_

Received- 2:05 pm

_its got our address so someone here bought something_

Received- 2:06 pm

_im gonna open it_

Received- 2:07 pm

**Mabel no**

Received- 2:07 pm

**What if it's Grunkle Stan's?**

Received- 2:08 pm

_too late_

Received- 2:10 pm

_who in this family plays with dolls cause i grew out of those years ago_

Received- 2:11 pm

**I don't know?**

Received- 2:11 pm

**Hold on lemme ask Bill if he knows**

* * *

Received- 2:15 pm

**Okay so apparently Bill's the one who ordered them?**

Received- 2:16 pm

_what use could an all-powerful dream demon have for a bunch of blank build your own barbies_

Received- 2:18 pm

**He won't tell. He just says bring them up**

Received- 2:20 pm

_whatever floats his boat, i guess_

* * *

Received- 10:56 am

Hey kid did you order anything online recently cause there's this package

Received- 10:58 am

**No**

Received- 10:58 am

**It's probably Bill again. He keeps buying stuff online**

Received- 11:00 am

Well send him down cause I'm gonna need to question him about this

Received- 11:01 am

**What did he get this time?**

Received- 11:02 am

A large set of Korean kitchen knives

Received- 11:02 am

I worry for that weirdo

* * *

Received- 4:44 pm

**Hey Dip I got a quick question**

Received- 4:44 pm

**Yes?**

Received- 4:46 pm

**First off, if there's anything you want to tell us, we're here for you**

Received- 4:46 pm

**We'll all support you no matter your choices**

Received- 4:48 pm

**Wendy what are you talking about**

Received- 4:49 pm

**Why did you order a dildo off eBay?**

Received- 4:50 pm

**WHY DO THEY ALWAYS ASSUME ITS ME**

Received- 4:50 pm

**Hold on I need to go scream at a certain triangle**

* * *

Theyre gonna have a long talk about that. (And possibly put the latest purchase to good use ignore me)


	23. Meeting the Parents

I figured I'd spoil you guys. Thanks to HighbornCrab for the thousand or so ideas I'm gonna be posting now. I will only do them every other day though, so as to not completely run dry again, like last time.

Also: Holy shit guys! That last chapter alone pushed this story to over a thousand views in one day! I feel popular now. Thanks!

**Dipper**

'Father'

"Mother"

* * *

Received- 12:34 pm

'Hey son. How's the summer been going?'

Received- 12:35 pm

**Great! I've met a lot of people and had a lot of adventures. Be sure to ask me about them when Mabel and I come home**

Received- 12:36 pm

'Good, good'

Received- 12:38 pm

'So...'

Received- 12:39 pm

'You found yourself a special lady yet? I heard your sister was having quite the adventure chasing after boys'

Received- 12:43 pm

'Dipper?'

Received- 12:45 pm

**Well... kinda**

Received- 12:45 pm

**I mean, I did find this great girl named Wendy, but we discovered we'd be better off as friends**

Received- 12:46 pm

**I did meet someone I liked though...**

Received- 12:47 pm

'Well? What's her name?'

Received- 12:49 pm

**It's... not a girl**

Received- 12:50 pm

**His name is Bill**

Received- 12:55 pm

**Dad please reply**

Received- 12:58 pm

'I need to have a talk with your mother'

* * *

Received- 3:04 pm

"Hey sweetie. How are things?"

Received- 3:04 pm

**I'm worried about dad. I told him about my boyfriend and now he won't reply**

Received- 3:06 pm

"That's actually what I wanted to talk about. We had a discussion earlier, and he was upset. Your father grew up in a small town and never really understood stuff like that, and he's still growing out of that mindset"

Received- 3:07 pm

"Don't worry though. I accept you for who you are and your decisions, and your father will come around eventually. Just give him time to process things"

Received- 3:10 pm

**Thank you so much, mom**

Received- 3:11 pm

**I don't know what to say**

Received- 3:12 pm

"How about you bring this nice young man over sometime and introduce us? I'm sure he's wonderful"

Received- 3:12 pm

**Will do. He'd love to meet you guys**

Received- 3:13 pm

"And I need to make sure he's not mistreating you"

Received- 3:13 pm

**MOM**

Received- 3:14 pm

"Just kidding. Love you!"

Received- 3:15 pm

**I will warn you though. He's a little... different.**

Received- 3:16 pm

**You'll find out when you meet him**

* * *

Idk, I thought this would be good. Maybe? Hmm.

Bonus, because I can:

Received- 8:34 pm

That was fun! Your folks are great!

Received- 8:34 pm

And your dad was fun to scare!

Received- 8:35 pm

**I don't think I ever want to do that again**

Received- 8:36 pm

Now you get to meet my parents!

Received- 8:39 pm

**WAIT WHAT**


	24. Miscommunication

Hell yeah a Mabifica request

I can get behind that

**Dipper(but actually Bill)**

_**Pacifica**_

* * *

Received- 6:01 pm

**_Hey, so I was wondering... If you didn't have anything else to do Friday night, maybe you'd want to go to the dance at the park with me?_**

Received- 6:01 pm

**_I mean you don't have to go if you don't want to I was just curious_**

Received- 6:02 pm

**Who is this and how did you get this number**

Received- 6:03 pm

**_It's me, Pacifica. The girl who used to hate you, but now... kinda likes you?_**

Received- 6:03 pm

**If you're trying to steal Pinetree away from under my nose, I'll have you know that it's not going to work. He is MINE, and will never go to some puny dance human with you**

Received- 6:03 pm

**It's a good thing your little ploy didn't work out as you planned. Dipper left his phone here while he left to the store to get something for Stanford**

Received- 6:04 pm

**Are you scared yet girl? Because you should be. Be very afraid, for I am your worst nightmare**

Received- 6:05 pm

**_Oh my god I'm so sorry Bill_**

Received- 6:05 pm

**_I meant to send that to Mabel but got her and her brother's numbers mixed up_**

Received- 6:07 pm

**Really?**

Received- 6:08 pm

**_Really. I would never try and take Dipper from you. Besides, he's not my type_**

Received- 6:10 pm

**So**

Received- 6:11 pm

**You were gonna ask Shooting Star out**

Received- 6:13 pm

**_...yes? Please don't tell her I want it to be a surprise!_**

Received- 6:13 pm

**I ain't telling her, but I will tell you something. If you're gonna ask someone out, it won't work asking like that**

Received- 6:14 pm

**Actually just hang on a minute. I'll be over there in a bit**

Received- 6:14 pm

**_No wait_**

Received- 6:15 pm

**Be prepared to be taught how to romance by the master of seduction!**

* * *

They spend the rest of the evening talking and giggling about their respective twin nerds


	25. Beach Trip

Woo! My first Mabill prompt! Excuse me if it isn't that great, this is literally the first thing I've ever written for this pairing. I'm kinda rusty.

Bill

_Mabel_

**Dipper**

Stan

* * *

Received- 11:12 am

Did you remember sunblock

Received- 11:13 am

_yes_

Received- 11:13 am

And a spare set of clothes

Received- 11:14 am

_yes its in my bag_

Received- 11:14 am

Road maps?

Received- 11:15 am

_yes i have everything packed nice and tight in my travel bag_

Received- 11:16 am

How about your floaties

Received- 11:17 am

_jesus christ bill im sixteen i can swim_

Received- 11:17 am

Don't want my little Shooting Star to drown

Received- 11:18 am

_sixteen. i am sixteen_

Received- 11:18 am

Have fun at the beach with your brother! Love you!

* * *

Received- 3:34 pm

How's the day going so far?

Received- 3:35 pm

**Great! We built sand castles and Mabel dared me to swim out to that little island a couple hundred feet out**

Received- 3:36 pm

Did you drown?

Received- 3:37 pm

**...I'm gonna let you answer that question**

Received- 3:37 pm

**Oh, you told me to tell you if anything happened to Mabel. She tripped and hit her head earlier on some rocks, but there's nothing but a small bump. She's fine**

Received- 3:42 pm

**Bill?**

* * *

Received- 3:42 pm

Cipher where's my great niece

Received- 3:42 pm

Why did she suddenly disappear she was right there splashing in the sea

Received- 3:43 pm

Don't worry, Fez! She's fine!

Received- 3:43 pm

Where is she

Received- 3:44 pm

She's right here, all cuddled up nice and safe with no chance of getting hurt

Received- 3:46 pm

Did you teleport her from California all the way to Gravity Falls cause she bumped her head

Received- 3:48 pm

...

Received- 3:49 pm

Goddammit Cipher can't you stop being overprotective for five minutes

* * *

Let me say it again: I will take prompts for any AU and/or pairing (except Pinecest, unless it is a _really good_ prompt, or an AU where they aren't related. Even then, though...)


	26. Children

Sorry this is late, I'm still reeling from the other day

SO HOW ABOUT THAT AMA

LIKE

HOLY SHIT

**Dipper**

Bill

_Mabel_

* * *

Received- 2:34 pm

Hey

Received- 2:34 pm

Hey Pinetree

Received- 2:35 pm

**Yes?**

Received- 2:35 pm

I want a child

Received- 2:38 pm

**Bill what the hell**

Received- 2:38 pm

I want a child

Received- 2:40 pm

**We already went through this. I'm too young and you're too... You**

Received- 2:41 pm

But I want one

Received- 2:42 pm

**You're horrible with people. Why would you want to deal with a small and vastly more evil one**

Received- 2:45 pm

Because

Received- 2:45 pm

**That's not a reason**

Received- 2:46 pm

But PIIIIINETREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Received- 2:47 pm

**No**

* * *

Received- 3:59 pm

Shooting Star

Received- 4:00 pm

_yo_

Received- 4:00 pm

I want a tiny human flesh sack but Pinetree won't let me

Received- 4:02 pm

_awww, thats so cute!_

Received- 4:02 pm

_but u do realize we r like fifteen right_

Received- 4:03 pm

I am an immortal being of pure energy that has been around since the dawn of man

Received- 4:04 pm

_yes but in the eyes of everyone around u, ur also fifteen_

Received- 4:04 pm

_that means no kids_

Received- 4:05 pm

_sorry bud_

Received- 4:05 pm

BUT I WAAAANT OOOOONNE

* * *

Received- 6:23 pm

**Why do you even want a kid anyway**

Received- 6:23 pm

**You hate most humans cause you think we're loud, disgusting, and stupid**

Received- 6:24 pm

**Little kids are so much worse**

Received- 6:25 pm

I wish to amass an army of tiny demons!

Received- 6:26 pm

**That's not how kids work**

Received- 6:26 pm

THE WORLD WILL TREMBLE BEFORE MY ARMY OF TINY STUMBLING DROOLING MEAT BAGS AND WILL DO NOTHING TO STOP IT

Received- 6:26 pm

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Received- 6:27 pm

**Jesus, Bill. I heard your laugh from here**

Received- 6:27 pm

**No we're not raising an army of babies**

Received- 6:28 pm

**And stop whining I can hear that from here too**

* * *

Dipper comes home to find the Mystery Shack overflowing with small children

They are returned with full apologies, the police are sent on their way, and Bill is officially kept in confinement

Thanks to HighbornCrab for prompt!

**Edit: ****Sorry, I messed up. I've been getting so many prompts from HighbornCrab I thoughht this was one too. Thanks to Creepy-Pasta for the prompt! **


	27. Files

Later in the day than I'd like to update but whatevs

Bill

**Dip**

_Mabel_

* * *

Received- 9:34 am

Hey Pinetree I'm gonna borrow your computer

Received- 9:35 am

**Why thank you for asking**

Received- 9:35 am

**Just leave the Word files alone I've been working on something**

Received- 9:36 am

Go through everything gotcha

Received- 9:37 am

**You know what**

Received- 9:37 am

**I give up**

* * *

Received- 2:01 pm

_hey dippin sauce ima borrow your laptop mines still broken_

Received- 2:02 pm

**Sure thing**

Received- 2:03 pm

**Just make sure you sign out of my YouTube account before. I don't want any more recommended cat videos**

Received- 2:03 pm

_ur just not fun r u_

* * *

Received- 2:34 pm

_bro i got a question_

Received- 2:35 pm

**Shoot**

Received- 2:36 pm

_there r all these encrypted picture files on ur computer_

Received- 2:36 pm

_and i clicked one_

Received- 2:37 pm

**I don't have any encrypted files. What was in them?**

Received- 2:39 pm

_r u sure they arent urs?_

Received- 2:39 pm

_it would make sense if they were urs_

Received- 2:41 pm

**Why what was in them**

Received- 2:44 pm

_porn_

Received- 2:47 pm

**MABEL**

Received- 2:47 pm

**WHAT THE HELL**

Received- 2:47 pm

**WHY WOULD YOU ASSUME ITS MINE**

Received- 2:48 pm

_it is ur laptop_

Received- 2:48 pm

_and i think we both remember ur past obsession with wendy_

Received- 2:49 pm

**WE DONT TALK OF THAT**

Received- 2:50 pm

_if it's not urs whose is it_

Received- 2:53 pm

**Oh**

Received- 2:54 pm

**Oh no**

Received- 2:54 pm

_?_

Received- 2:55 pm

**Bill**

* * *

Received- 2:55 pm

**WILLIAM CIPHER WE NEED TO HAVE A TALK**

* * *

Edit: Prompt by HighbornCrab. Sorry I keep forgetting to put these in there. I'm gonna have to start labeling who the prompts are from in my file


	28. Church and the Like

This prompt was so great I couldn't wait to post it

Also yes I headcanon the Pines (most of them at least) as Jewish

**Dippin Sauce**

Bill

_Lady Mabelton_

The Grunk

* * *

Received- 8:55 am

**Hey Bill I was wondering**

Received- 8:55 am

**I know you're a demon, but are you the kind from, like, Christianity?**

Received- 8:56 am

That's a very strange and rather personal question Pinetree!

Received- 8:57 am

But no, not really. Demon is a relative term. I am a near-immortal being from another dimension that can infiltrate the dreams of mortals

Received- 8:57 am

There are many planes of existence beyond the mortal plane and even the Mindscape, and some humans years ago were able to barely glimpse into them. They saw things, and made them into a religion

Received- 8:58 am

I'm flattered, really

Received- 8:58 am

Why do you ask?

Received- 8:59 am

**Just curious. The pastor here started talking about demons and it reminded me of you**

Received- 9:00 am

I didn't know you were Christian, Pinetree!

Received- 9:01 am

**No so much as you think. My family's actually Jewish, but I'm staying with my Catholic grandmother this weekend and decided to go to church with her. It's actually pretty fun. The people here are nice enough and the hymns sound good**

Received- 9:02 am

Well don't touch any holy water cause even if I'm not a demon like they think that stuff still stinks

* * *

Received- 11:05 am

You guys still in church?

Received- 11:07 am

**Yeah but I'm thinking of leaving even before they're done**

Received- 11:07 am

Why? What happened?

Received- 11:08 am

**The priest is talking about one of the members who recently got married and are out on honeymoon**

Received- 11:08 am

What's wrong with that

Received- 11:09 am

**He's talking bad about her because she got married to another woman. Says she's going to hell**

Received- 11:09 am

**I may be Jewish, but I know for a fact that the whole 'homosexuality is a sin' thing in the English version of the bible was a mistranslation**

Received- 11:10 am

**And the whole thing about Leviticus being made void after the death of Christ**

Received- 11:10 am

**Like really people, did you even read it?**

Received- 11:11 am

Do you need an intervention?

Received- 11:12 am

**What no**

Received- 11:12 am

**Bill what are you thinking**

Received- 11:13 am

Be right there

Unsent- 11:13 am

**BILL NO**

* * *

Received- 5:25 pm

So tell me again how you and your brother got banned from church?

Received- 5:27 pm

_it was bills fault, kinda. the priest guy was being all mean about gay people and dipper was texting bill. dip got this scared look on his face. he must have mentioned what was happening bc next thing we know the doors slammed open and bill flew in. idk what he did to his physical form but he looked all terrifying and demon-y._

Received- 5:28 pm

_he was glowing red and seemed to be wrapped up in darkness. the priest took one look at him and screamed 'DEMON!' and started holding his cross necklace thingy in front of him_

Received- 5:30 pm

_bill did a very convincing evil laugh that echoed throughout the church and snatched dipper up before kissing him furiously above the heads of the congregation. dip caught on and joined the act, and they made out while floating midair. then bill looked at the priest again and did that creepy smile where his mouth is too wide and his teeth r too sharp before plunging down into and through the ground with dipper_

Received- 5:31 pm

_all in all it was a very interesting day and lets just say we're not allowed at my grandmother's house or church ever again_

Received- 5:32 pm

Classic

* * *

Edit: Prompt by HighbornCrab!


	29. A Real Boy(ish) Now!

Hello this is longer than I expected

Quick note: if anyone has a prompt involving Soos pls send it

I love Soos like my own manchild

And also: I'm thinking of doing some similar to these by with the original Mystery Trio. You know, the Stan twins and Fiddledord? Completely disregarding the fact that they probably couldn't text each other in that time period, it'd be interesting to see what their text conversations would be like. So, send in prompts for them too!

**Dipper**

Bill

_Mabel_

Stan

* * *

Received- 3:34 pm

Hey Pinetree I was wondering

Received- 3:35 pm

**What do you want this time**

Received- 3:35 pm

I was thinking of making myself a physical body

Received- 3:37 pm

**What?**

Received- 3:37 pm

**Why would you do that?**

Received- 3:38 pm

I dunno, I'm bored

Received- 3:39 pm

Come on, it'll be fun!

Received- 3:41 pm

**How would you even get a body**

Received- 3:42 pm

**You're not stealing one, if that's what you're thinking**

Received- 3:42 pm

You wound me, Pinetree

Received- 3:43 pm

But no, I won't be stealing one. Give me a couple days and I can gather the energy to create one

Received- 3:43 pm

The only drawback will be that I won't be able to use my powers while 'possessing' the body I create. I will be totally human until I get bored and leave!

Received- 3:44 pm

**My, this should be interesting**

* * *

Received- 10:22 am

_say dip whos the hunk running the register_

Received- 10:24 am

**Don't talk about Bill like that it's weird**

Received- 10:25 am

_OH MY GOD THATS BILL_

Received- 10:25 am

_U DIDNT TELL ME HE BECAME HUMAN_

Received- 10:27 am

**That's because it happened this morning. I was gonna tell you but then Gruncle Stan made me run this tour before you finished getting ready**

Received- 10:28 am

_holy shit though could he have possibly made a hotter bod_

Received- 10:30 am

**Mabel no**

Received- 10:30 am

**Remember: evil dream demon from another dimension**

Received- 10:31 am

_hes not so evil any more tho_

Received- 10:33 am

**Still. Bill is off limits**

Received- 10:34 am

_fine :P_

* * *

Received- 12:55 pm

What is this grumbling in my middle area

Received- 12:56 pm

It hurts Pinetree make it stop

Received- 12:57 pm

**Chill man you're just hungry**

Received- 12:57 pm

MAKE IT STOP

Received- 12:58 pm

**Just come into the kitchen. Mabel's making stew**

Received- 12:59 pm

IT HURTS

* * *

Received- 3:12 pm

Come retrieve your crazy demon please

Received- 3:13 pm

**What'd he do this time**

Received- 3:14 pm

He decided it was too hot outside and went out to the store nude

Received- 3:15 pm

**Oh my god**

Received- 3:17 pm

And lend him some of your clothes cause apparently he didn't like his and burned them

Received- 3:18 pm

**Oh wow I'm sorry I'll be right there**

* * *

Received- 4:04 pm

**Mabel why did Bill just waltz out the door in one of your pink sundresses and nail polish**

Received- 4:05 pm

_he says dresses allow more freedom for his legs and pants are too restricting_

Received- 4:05 pm

_i thought the polish matched and he agreed_

Received- 4:06 pm

**That explains why he burned the other clothes we gave him**

Received- 4:07 pm

**Oh shit he just stole someone's dog and is running away brb**

* * *

Received- 11:46 pm

**Bill you can't just stay awake forever come down from the roof and go to bed**

Received- 11:47 pm

I don't wanna

Received- 11:47 pm

**You are literally a dream demon. Dreams and sleep are your thing**

Received- 11:48 pm

I never actually sleep though! I just infiltrate other's dreams and raise their therapy bills

Received- 11:49 pm

Sleeping in this human form is weird. It's so boring and meaningless

Received- 11:49 pm

**It rests you and recharges your batteries**

Received- 11:50 pm

So does coffee

Received- 11:51 pm

**You can't live off of coffee**

Received- 11:51 pm

Why not

Received- 11:52 pm

**Just come to bed. If you do, I'll get you those special gummies you like tomorrow**

Received- 11:53 pm

...

Received- 11:53 pm

The princess ones?

Received- 11:54 pm

**Yes. Now go to bed**

Received- 11:56 pm

Deal

* * *

Prompt by EPA Nano!

This one could honestly be taken in a platonic Billdip sense if you want. Idk


	30. AGE OF ULTRON HYPE

IM SO EXCITED

And I felt generous so here

Im gonna be going through all the prompts I got in order, so apologies if you don't see yours for a while

ALSO LOOK SOOS

**Dipper**

Bill

_Mabel_

**Wendy**

**_Soos_**

* * *

Received- 4:21 pm

ARE YOU EXCITED FOR AGE OF ULTRON CAUSE I'M EXCITED FOR AGE OF ULTRON

Received- 4:22 pm

_oh dear_

Received- 4:22 pm

_soos got u into marvel movies didnt he_

Received- 4:23 pm

SO WHAT IF HE DID

Received- 4:24 pm

_just dont tell dip. he thinks u have enough human obsessions as it is_

Received- 4:24 pm

EXCUSE YOU

* * *

-Group Message-

Received- 1:39 pm

I JUST GOT TICKETS FOR ALL OF US

Received- 1:40 pm

**For what?**

Received- 1:40 pm

_oh no_

Received- 1:41 pm

AGE OF ULTRON

Received- 1:42 pm

**Woo!**

Received- 1:42 pm

**OH MY GOD**

Received- 1:42 pm

**_You go dawg! But how'd you do it?_**

Received- 1:42 pm

_yeah, they dont go on sale for another week_

Received- 1:43 pm

I have my ways

Received- 1:43 pm

**Godammit Soos did you do this to him**

Received- 1:44 pm

_i told u bill_

Received- 1:44 pm

**_...maybe_**

Received- 1:45 pm

**Hot damn, we're going to see Age of Ultron!**

Received- 1:46 pm

_it is a good thing he did this. otherwise theyd be sold out as soon as they went on sale_

Received- 1:46 pm

**True**

Received- 1:47 pm

Bow to me. I am the best

Received- 1:48 pm

**In your dreams**

Received- 1:50 pm

**You do know who you just said that too right**

Received- 1:52 pm

**Yeah**

Received- 1:52 pm

**Whoops**

Received- 1:52 pm

HA

Received- 1:53 pm

_so i guess were going to see age of ultron_


	31. Be careful

Prompt by Highborn Crab, but changed slightly. I decided to make it Mabill instead, and more dramatic than you probably wanted

_Mabel_

**Dipper**

Bill

* * *

Received- 9:12 pm

**Have fun at the club but be home before midnight. Gruncle's orders**

Received- 9:13 pm

_he does realize im over twenty one right_

Received- 9:13 pm

**Yeah, but still**

Received- 9:14 pm

**Don't have too much fun**

Received- 9:14 pm

_im an adult i do what i want_

Received- 9:15 pm

**Just text me or Bill if you need anything**

Received- 9:15 pm

**And try to keep Candy and Grenda out of trouble. You know how they get around alcohol**

Received- 9:16 pm

_will do_

* * *

Received- 10:45 pm

hey babe hows it shakin

Received- 10:46 pm

You're a little drunk aren't you

Received- 10:47 pm

_no im a tall drunk ahaha_

Received- 10:47 pm

_and im just tipsy dont worry_

Received- 10:48 pm

It's a good thing the club is just around the corner cause you're not driving like this

Received- 10:49 pm

_im fine im fine_

Received- 10:50 pm

Just stay safe

* * *

Received- 11:34 pm

_Bill i need u to call me_

Received- 11:35 pm

Why?

Received- 11:35 pm

_just call me now_

* * *

Call- 11:36~11:42 pm

"What is it Shooting-"

"_Hey babe what's wrong?"_

"Um, nothing's wrong. What-"

"_Oh my god. Is everything okay?"_

"Yes everything's fine. What are you-"

"_I'll be home in just a minute."_

"Shooting Star?"

-_muffled-"Sorry sir, my husband needs my help at home. I need to leave now. Bye."_

"Mabel what just happened. We're not married. Why did you call me?"

"_So sorry Bill. This creep at the bar wouldn't leave me alone and I needed some way to get out. Grenda and Candy were out on the floor and too far away. I was getting worried I'm sorry."_

"Don't be sorry, it's fine. Did you get this guy's name?"

"_No I didn't and no you're not going after him. I don't want any trouble and I just want to forget this"_

"He was sexually harassing you Mabel."

"_I know but still. Don't do anything stupid."_

"Mabel..."

"_For me, Bill. Please."_

-sigh-"Fine."

"_Thank you"_

* * *

That one actually got away from me a bit whoops. Whatever


	32. Hurt Him

More bittersweet than anything. Also: totally stole the name from NWMM, don't sue me

Prompt by HighbornCrab

* * *

Received- 7:34 pm

_gruncle stan can you come pick me up_

Received- 7:35 pm

Why? I thought your date was supposed to drive you home after

Received- 7:35 pm

Martin or Morty or something

Received- 7:36 pm

_marius_

Received- 7:36 pm

_and no, he... had to leave early_

Received- 7:37 pm

Well that's kinda rude

Received- 7:38 pm

_yeah, he had a previous arrangement_

Received- 7:38 pm

_with another girl_

Received- 7:39 pm

Why that slimy little-

Received- 7:39 pm

I'll be there in a minute sweetie. Don't worry

* * *

Received- 11:23 am

So I heard you got stood up

Received- 11:24 am

_thats rather insensitive of u bill_

Received- 11:24 am

What, I'm a blunt guy

Received- 11:25 am

_no ur not_

Received- 11:26 am

Anyways

Received- 11:26 am

Pinetree and I were planning to find him and torture him

Received- 11:27 am

_bill_

Received- 11:27 am

Actually it was more me wanting to torture him

Received- 11:27 am

_BILL_

Received- 11:28 am

Okay it was all me

Received- 11:28 am

And we were wondering if you wanted to come and spectate

Received- 11:29 am

_why would i want to watch that_

Received- 11:29 am

Cause he broke your heart

Received- 11:30 am

_bill it was nothing. im fine honestly_

Received- 11:31 am

Too late AHAHAHAHA

Received- 11:31 am

_oh my god bill_

* * *

Received- 2:56 pm

**_So I heard about what happened yesterday_**

Received- 2:57 pm

_apparently everyone has_

Received- 2:58 pm

**_And I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go out for ice cream later this afternoon? I know this great little place near Greasy's that makes everything themselves_**

Received- 2:58 pm

**_To make you feel better, you know? After that jerk dumped you_**

Received- 2:59 pm

_thats really sweet pacifica. i might just take you up on that offer_

Received- 2:59 pm

**_I just don't see why he would do something like that to someone as nice as you_**

Received- 3:00 pm

**_But yeah, I'll come pick you up at four_**

Received- 3:01 pm

_thanks_

Received- 3:01 pm

**_No problem Mabes_**

* * *

Managed to to slip some slight Mabifica in there at the end. I might be starting to ship that. Oops


	33. Car Crash

Ths was gonna be dramatic and suspenseful but then I didn't know how to end it so it kinda falls flat on well

**Dipper**

Bill

Stan

* * *

Received- 1:34 pm

While you're at the store get more cheese. We're out

Received- 1:35 pm

**How are we out of cheese I just got some last week**

Received- 1:35 pm

I like cheese

Received- 1:35 pm

Just get more. And more chocolate chips

Received- 1:36 pm

**I really hope the two aren't connected**

Received- 1:36 pm

**Now leave me alone I'm driving**

Received- 1:37 pm

You'll be fine

Received- 1:38 pm

**Bill it's really not a good idea to text while driving. I might crash or something**

Received- 1:39 pm

Honestly Pinetree there's nothing to worry about, you're a really good driver. You'll be fine

Received- 1:39 pm

So as I was saying: cheese, chocolate chips, and cinnamon

Received- 1:40 pm

I'm totally not going through the cabinets and listing off things you guys need

Received- 1:42 pm

But let's add some bay leaves to the mix cause spaghetti is only good with that

Received- 1:45 pm

You know what else goes good with spaghetti? A nice side of cold human soul

Received- 1:47 pm

Fresh ones are best, but store bought is fine

Received- 1:48 pm

Did you get the joke

Received- 1:50 pm

I made a funny

Received- 1:55 pm

Pinetree pay attention to meeeeeeeee

Received- 1:58 pm

Pinetree

Received- 2:03 pm

Dipper?

Received- 2:07 pm

Dipper is everything okay

Received- 2:11 pm

Please answer your phone

* * *

Received- 2:14 pm

Hey Shooting Star is everything okay with your brother? He won't answer his phone

Received- 2:19 pm

Mabel?

Received- 2:25 pm

Mabel what's going on

* * *

Received- 3:01 pm

Do any of your powers work

Received- 3:02 pm

What?

Received- 3:03 pm

You said your powers don't work while in a human body. Are you sure absolutely none of them work

Received- 3:04 pm

Yes I'm positive. The only way to use them would be to abandon this body, but it would die as soon as I did that and I'd need to find or make another one

Received- 3:04 pm

Why do you ask?

Received- 3:05 pm

Dipper and Mabel were in a car crash and the doctors don't think Dipper's gonna wake up

Received- 3:08 pm

Oh my god

Received- 3:08 pm

What's wrong

Received- 3:10 pm

Cipher what did you do

Received- 3:12 pm

Oh my god I'm so sorry this is my fault

Received- 3:12 pm

This is all my fault I was bugging Pinetree while he was driving and he told me to stop but I didn't and now he might be dead oh no

Received- 3:12 pm

I'll be right over there screw this physical form he needs me

Received- 3:14 pm

And after he's better we're gonna have a long talk

Received- 3:15 pm

Yes sir

* * *

Prompt by Highborn Crab, once again. Thanks for all the ideas!


	34. Driving Lessons

Prompt by Omega Ultra! Decided some humor was needed (and oh look, it's a happy car one!)

**Dipper**

Bill

_Mabel_

* * *

Received- 3:45 pm

**Look, I'm not gonna be able to go to the store for you every time you need something**

Received- 3:45 pm

**This would be a lot easier if your physical form wasn't so limited**

Received- 3:46 pm

What are you proposing

Received- 3:47 pm

**I don't know**

Received- 3:47 pm

**Are you sure there's no way to combine a physical body with your fourth-dimensional powers?**

Received- 3:48 pm

Pretty positive, yeah

Received- 3:48 pm

**Darn**

Received- 3:49 pm

**I'll just keep thinking then**

* * *

Received- 5:12 pm

_u could always teach him to drive_

Received- 5:13 pm

**Mabel that's a horrible idea**

Received- 5:13 pm

**Do you know how much damage he'd cause?**

Received- 5:14 pm

_not if u teach him correctly_

Received- 5:14 pm

**Yeah... no**

Received- 5:15 pm

_come on bro-bro itll be fun!_

Received- 5:16 pm

**I'll think about it**

* * *

Received- 2:02 pm

**This was a bad idea**

Received- 2:03 pm

_whats wrong?_

Received- 2:03 pm

**This was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea**

Received- 2:03 pm

_ur teaching bill to drive arent ya_

Received- 2:04 pm

**whats he done so far**

Received- 2:05 pm

**He doesn't do the gas-brake-gas-brake thing like most new drivers do. He just slams on the gas and doesn't let go**

Received- 2:05 pm

**He's surprisingly good at steering that fast, but there have been a lot of close calls. Mostly with woodland life**

Received- 2:05 pm

**And I think we're being hounded by the cops now**

Received- 2:06 pm

_gruncle stans gonna kill u if his car gets messed up_

Received- 2:06 pm

**I know but I can't get Bill to stop until we get to the store**

Received- 2:07 pm

**Plus I'm too terrified to try and take the wheel from him**

Received- 2:07 pm

**Oh hey those are the cops**


	35. Gender

Sorry the long wait guys, exams are coming up and all my teachers collectively decided to throw projects at us. I'd also lost a bit of inspiration, despite the dozens of prompts I got. Now I'm back on track though.

This idea was actually mine. I've always liked the idea of a genderless Bill Cipher! (And the AMA pretty much confirming that didn't hurt either)

**Dipper**

Bill

_Mabel_

* * *

Received- 1:24 pm

**What did I tell you about terrorizing the citizens**

Received- 1:24 pm

**Thanks to you now we're banned from that grocery store**

Received- 1:25 pm

Look kid it's not my fault the woman was being stupid

Received- 1:26 pm

**What did she even do?**

Received- 1:26 pm

She started yelling at me about what I was wearing, saying rude things and calling me names

Received- 1:27 pm

**Weren't you wearing that yellow skirt?**

Received- 1:28 pm

Yeah

Received- 1:29 pm

**Wow jeez a guy in a skirt isn't that bad**

Received- 1:30 pm

**It's the twenty first century, boys can be feminine. Some people just need to get their heads outta their asses**

Received- 1:30 pm

**I understand man, but I still gotta come pick you up**

Received- 1:31 pm

**Next time just make sure you terrorize them in their dreams and not in the physical realm. There are consequences for all of us when you do that**

Received- 1:32 pm

...

Received- 1:33 pm

Yeah okay

* * *

Received- 7:45 pm

_alrighty bill u can come pick me up now_

Received- 7:46 pm

I thought the date was supposed to drive you home?

Received- 7:46 pm

Isn't that the human custom?

Received- 7:47 pm

_well yeah but xe cant legally drive without an adult in the car so_

Received- 7:49 pm

_bill?_

Received- 7:49 pm

Was that a typo?

Received- 7:50 pm

_what_

Received- 7:51 pm

You said 'xe can't drive'. Did you mean to say 'he' or 'she'?

Received- 7:52 pm

_no i meant what i said. arinne is a xe_

Received- 7:52 pm

What do you mean?

Received- 7:53 pm

_no gender_

Received- 7:53 pm

_cmon bill i thought u were an all seeing eye_

Received- 7:54 pm

Apparently not

Received- 7:54 pm

Wait does that mean you can be human without a gender?

Received- 7:54 pm

_of course! just bc ur born with certain bits doesnt mean u gotta say thats what u are_

Received- 7:55 pm

_ive dated quite a few nonbinary ppl. even thought i was one at one point_

Received- 7:55 pm

_but nah, not my thing. not quite me_

Received- 7:57 pm

Do you think

Received- 7:57 pm

Do you think you could teach me about these things?

Received- 7:58 pm

_of course!_

Received- 7:59 pm

Thanks, Shooting Star

Received- 7:59 pm

_now come pick me up_

* * *

Received- 10:01 am

Hey Pinetree!

Received- 10:01 am

**Sup dude**

Received- 10:02 am

You can stop calling me a man now

Received- 10:03 am

**Aw man did you get rid of your human body? I was just starting to get used to having you around**

Received- 10:03 am

No no no, I'm still here

Received- 10:04 am

It's just that I no longer identify as male

Received- 10:04 am

**So your a woman instead? Okay then**

Received- 10:05 am

No not quite

Received- 10:06 am

**...?**

Received- 10:06 am

**OH you mean agender?**

Received- 10:06 am

Yes!

Received- 10:07 am

**Ah okay. Mabel told me all about that stuff when she started dating Arinne**

Received- 10:07 am

She recently informed me too. I never knew that's what it was when I was uncomfortable being called a guy

Received- 10:07 am

But now I know!

Received- 10:09 am

**Do you... have any pronoun specifications?**

Received- 10:10 am

Hmm, not yet. I'm still looking into that. Humans have come up with many interesting alternate sets of pronouns, and there are so many to choose from!

Received- 10:10 am

I will tell you when I find the right ones though

Received- 10:11 am

**Alrighty then**

* * *

Now off to Atlanta for the Renaissance Festival!

PS there could be any kind of ships in this one imagine all you want kiddies


	36. New-Fangled Device

Prompt by Midnight's Haze!

I really liked this idea. Don't look at me

**Dipper**

_Mabel_

Bill

Stanford

/Stanley/

* * *

Received- 12:37 pm

**So I definitely decided to be the first to text you on this**

Received- 12:37 pm

**We totally didn't draw straws**

Received- 12:38 pm

**How are you holding up with the new phone?**

Received- 12:39 pm

/o dnrj nw whst im d inh/

Received- 12:40 pm

**Are you... talking in code?**

Received- 12:41 pm

/hlp i csnt tye corect/

Received- 12:42 pm

**How about**

Received- 12:42 pm

**Turn on speech-to-text**

Received- 12:44 pm

/is it working/

Received- 12:44 pm

**Much better!**

Received- 12:45 pm

/thank you child. it was surprisingly difficult to type on such a small screen/

Received- 12:45 pm

/not all the keys would press when I attempted/

Received- 12:46 pm

**It must be all those callouses on your fingers. iPhone screen sensors can't detect the signature from your fingers through that thick skin**

Received- 12:46 pm

/what are you talking about boy/

Received- 12:47 pm

**Just**

Received- 12:47 pm

**Don't worry**

Received- 12:47 pm

**Modern technology/words. I'll explain in detail next time I see you**

* * *

Received- 3:01 pm

/how to get email/

Received- 3:02 pm

_grampa stan?_

Received- 3:03 pm

/email iPhone/

Received- 3:03 pm

_what r u doing_

Received- 3:05 pm

/how get email on phone/

Received- 3:05 pm

_r u trying to google how to use ur email_

Received- 3:05 pm

_cause this isnt google_

Received- 3:06 pm

/email/

Received- 3:07 pm

_grampa u gotta click the google chrome icon_

Received- 3:08 pm

/how to access email/

Received- 3:08 pm

_oh my god_

Received- 3:09 pm

_okay im coming over_

* * *

Received- 2:34 pm

Hey Polydactyl. The twins said they couldn't get ahold of you and were worried, so they forced me into this, seeing as you probably hate me enough to reply

Received- 2:34 pm

Where are you? You've been missing for three days

Received- 2:35 pm

/leave me alone demon/

Received- 2:35 pm

Come on, kid, you know all that stuff is in the past!

Received- 2:36 pm

/I refuse to associate with the likes of you/

Received- 2:37 pm

Okay fine, don't associate with me. Do tell me where you've been the past few days, or Shooting Star will blast my head off with her incessant worrying

Received- 2:37 pm

/I've been holed up in a secret room of the bunker, determined to defeat this vile level/

Received- 2:38 pm

Level of what? I've seen the bunker, there are no 'levels' of which you speak

Received- 2:39 pm

/this level on the phone game with sweets/

Received- 2:40 pm

...you're not talking about Candy Crush, are you?

Received- 2:40 pm

/that is the one/

Received- 2:41 pm

/now leave me, foul demon/

Received- 2:41 pm

Jeez this is getting out of control

* * *

Received- 6:53 pm

/~~Send this 2 5 of ur friends in the next 15 min &amp; have good luck 4 10 years! Dont and have bad luck 4 evr!~~/

Received- 6:55 pm

I think it's time to stage an intervention

* * *

I like to think Bill sent him that last one just to mess with him.

Quick thing guys: I need deer puns. And puns about being trapped. Don't ask why, you'll find out later


	37. Deer Trap

Ahaha

ahahahaha

aha

Sorry

**Dipper**

Bill

* * *

Received- 2:43 pm

**Can you help me?**

Received- 2:44 pm

What's wrong Pinetree?

Received- 2:45 pm

**I seem to have run into a bit of a... problem**

Received- 2:45 pm

Go on

Received- 2:46 pm

**I was walking along, exploring the woods, when I came upon a wonderful little pond**

Received- 2:46 pm

**Crystal clear water, tiny fish darting around, a few dragonflies**

Received- 2:47 pm

**I thought: Hey! Mabel sure would like this place, at least better than the little tub she's usually stuck in now**

Received- 2:47 pm

Get to the point

Received- 2:48 pm

**I'm getting there, patience**

Received- 2:49 pm

**So I'm walking around the edge, checking to see how big and deep it is, and I have to get through these trees to get to the other side**

Received- 2:51 pm

**Long story short I walked through and stepped right into a deer trap I hadn't seen**

Received- 2:53 pm

**And I need you to get me out**

Received- 2:56 pm

**Bill please come help me**

Received- 2:57 pm

Sorry, you're gonna have to give me a moment. I'm currently DYING

Received- 2:58 pm

**Stop laughing**

Received- 3:00 pm

**Biiiiiiillllllllllll**

Received- 3:02 pm

_Buck_ up, kid! I'll be there soon

Received- 3:03 pm

**...what**

Received- 3:03 pm

I must help you, as you are me _deer_-est friend!

Received- 3:04 pm

**Don't**

Received- 3:04 pm

**Don't do this to me**

Received- 3:05 pm

I see you've gotten a bit hung up, so _doe_-n't move!

Received- 3:05 pm

**Bill I have been a cervitaur for three months now I thought you were done with the deer puns**

Received- 3:06 pm

But your reactions are so a-_deer_-able!

Received- 3:07 pm

**Just come get me I'm tired and I think I hear a gremloblin**

Received- 3:07 pm

I guess I better _high-tail_ it over there!

Received- 3:08 pm

**Fuck you**

* * *

*descends from the ceiling covered in glitter surrounded by smoke*

NOT DEAD

Prompt by Macremae


End file.
